So far, it’s seeming like 2019 is the turnaround year for everybody! Job offers,

pay rises, leaving the parent’s nest into our own space (shout out to The

Slumflower), healthy and successful pregnancies, skin popping, mental state

flourishing! So it’s all good, right?

Sometimes, looking around, it can feel like everyone’s got their stuff together, but

you. Social media is bad enough, as people only post what they want you to see.

So naturally, online, people are going to present themselves in the best light they

can. But what about when it feels like your own friends are speeding miles ahead

of you? It’s like being torn between feeling happy for their success, which you

know they deserve, and feeling, daresay….jealous.

Jealousy tends to be portrayed in an ugly fashion. But actually, it’s a very valid

emotion that deserves acknowledgement just like the rest of them: anxiety,

happiness, sadness, euphoria, lust, rage, and so on. People tend to want to

disassociate themselves with this trait altogether, there’s something distasteful

about jealousy when it’s apparent and being played out in social situations,

especially between friends. When your people are winning, you’re supposed to

be cheering them on, over the moon for their achievements and right there

beside them to encourage them to go further. But sometimes, the unspoken

reality is, that this can serve as a painful reminder as to what you haven’t been

able to do yet. Sometimes, and ideally, this can serve as a motivator to push

ourselves to be better, so that we too can enjoy the feeling of achievement and

success. But sometimes, it can leave us questioning and doubting, whether we

are even capable of this level of happiness.

I think, personally, jealousy should be talked about more openly. It’s not a crime

to want what someone else has – sharing this experience and checking yourself

might actually be more helpful in directing that energy towards bettering

yourself, as there’s nothing wrong with being fuelled by competition. Allowing

jealousy to grow and fester without exploring the core reasons, might allow a

little more room for the other kinds of emotions that compliment jealousy and

bring out the worst in you to develop – shame, resentment and maybe even

hatred. Our real friends deserve to win and deserve the right to be supported by

people who have their best interests at heart. But we are allowed to want more

for ourselves. We just need to be more open to checking ourselves. Sometimes,

your friends may just have worked harder than you. Sometimes they may just

have access to things you may have to work twice as hard for. This can be a bitter

pill to swallow, and something you’d rather not think about. Sisterhood and

friendships certainly comes with their fair share of tests, and watching your girls’

blossom while you’re still figuring things out is certainly one of them. When it

comes to emotions, we know that we don’t have control over them all of the time.

Maybe we need to ask ourselves how can we learn to focus on finding the

balance between being a supportive friend, and remembering that we are all on

our own very personal and individual journeys, with different goal posts and

challenges. Emotions are inevitable. How we deal with them, is a choice.

Speak on it, write it down, pray about it…and start thinking about how you can

be the best you, and friend, that you can be. We don’t have to be so hard on

ourselves. We can learn to find happiness in our sisters’ success, and choose to

use their experience as a tool of encouragement for our own progression, so that

we all win in our own chosen time. Our turn is coming, and we’re going to want

our friends to be there for us too.

Mel x

Follow Mel on Twitter: @radiomels

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